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The Dead EndThe dreary, neglected corner of my mind
6月23日 "You may tire of me as our December sun is setting, cos I'm not who I used to be."Hello to anyone who reads this,
I've been meaning to blog for awhile now. It is Saturday and I've had a really lazy day although I did walk my dog, finish my drama journal and read of Mice and Men in about two hours. I cannot express how much I love that book, its so good! Probably my favourite or 2nd or 3rd. If you haven't read it yet, I really recommend it.
Next week is our last week of term 2 and it really shows just how long its been since I've blogged. I think the last one was in March? Don't quote me on that. But this term has been alright, school has been okay and the lessons good. I'm so glad my space is on private so I can express my severe disapproval and loathing of MEREDITH!!! Omg, I cannot stand that lady right now! Okay, so maybe loathing her is going a bit too far. But, but...with the different coloured turtlenecks..and, and the annoying voice...and the homework and manila folders....she is so irritating! The only way I get through legal studies now is by being rude to her. You know, the old tricks. Playing solitaire in the computer lab. Eating a cherry ripe in the computer lab. Drawing in Paint. Winding down Emma's desk. Swivelling my chair. Not saying please and thankyou. But it doesn't seem to be working, it is just really fun to do. Meredith will just continue speaking in that dreadful voice, maybe I've overlooked something. A weakness...
Monday is the day that we are assessed on our drama group performances and I'm nervous. We have basically finished the thing, I think it is about 5 minutes tops when it should be 8 though. We haven't practiced enough and I think that I'm going to forget my lines. Plus we all have to do it in front of people on Tuesday night (another fundraiser drama thing) AND there's the musical item. I can't wait until holidays. The other day I said I don't want holidays. I must have been sniffing glue. I want to get out of the house, drive around a bit pretending that my dad isn't in the car with me, sunnies on and music blaring. Nevermind that it will probably be Frank Sinatra or Tony Bennett..... I want to be a rebel WITH a cause. I haven't exactly figured out what that cause is yet, but its going to be AWESOME!! No more suicide! I'll have to tell Mr Macfetters that our suicide pact is off, I'm sure he will understand. Yessss......Chris McCabe, signing out!
3月3日 "Hate is baggage. Life's too short to be pissed off all the time"- American History XUs bloggers, monthly we will sit ourselves down in front of the screen and prepare to blog. And sometimes it doesn't seem monthly. For me, personally, it feels like I have been away for a long time. And that's pretty disappointing because in my blogs, that's as honest as you will have me. At school I AM a totally different person. So a blog is kind of like an escape, only I don't use it as an escape these days. Maybe I should? However I may sound, I am happier lately. So much happier, and I think maybe its because of this or maybe its because of that. Whatever the reason, its a relief because I feel I CAN blog and WANT to when I'm happier. Do you feel that way too?
School is pretty good. I love coming to school now, to subjects that I enjoy and things that I want to know about. And as the work gets more and more serious and more difficult, I feel my social worries and my fears lessen. Lift. Little fights, they seem meaningless. Because everything is so much clearer now. Sometimes I will look at people, some friends in particular, and shake my head. I feel almost sorry for them, some of them haven't had that realisation. Epiphany, whatever. Some are promising themselves things, but then they continue what they have been doing year after year. Disappointing themselves, surely. In the long run, at least. One day we'll all look back and say "I wish I would have done this" or "I wish I would have tried harder." I'm trying to fix that. I don't want to regret, it wastes time, it fucks with your head. Am I making sense? Am I contradicting myself? Someone point it out if I am lol.
And lately I'm starting to feel that immature... joy? The only thing I can compare it to is that silly "love feeling" because that is what it feels like. It's great, trust me, best feeling in the world. Having no worries is what it feels like, something bad happens and you just shrug as if it were nothing. Assignments are building up, I have a Society and Culture one due soon, my Drama one to hand in and perform this week, an Art one I don't even UNDERSTAND. Don't get me started on the English one, but it doesn't MATTER because I know I will get it done. I know I can go to the teachers for help. I feel great. The end, lol. Piss off if you wanna rain on my parade haha
love,
chris
xo
1月18日 Well as far as I'm concerned, reality can go take a flying f*ck at a rolling doughnut.-Stephen King Hahaha. I thought you might like this Emma! Im obsessed with House, I think it's the best show on foxtel. The trouble is that it's only on TV1 on fridays and sundays, they only play season one also. I need to buy the season one box set because I can never wait until friday and sunday. Or maybe Zac might have it :D I wish this pic had wilson in it, lol he's the best! I sort of fixed my space up a little, changed the layout style, got a new banner, deleted useless links and changed the name and tagline. "The Dead End: The dreary, neglected corner of my mind." I think it's more suiting. Do you like it? Hate it? Comment! I truly am making an effort to blog, I'm very much not in the blogging mood right now but I AM trying to get back into it. It's funny how before I could crap on about anything and everything and now blogging seems like a chore. Lol, where has my creativity gone? If you haven't seen me in ages it's because I have been around sydney ALOT, going to every beach, seeing all kinds of people and getting angrier and angrier at shitty rail. The crappy excuse for public transport. I was caught in a 40 minute delay, I was angry! State transit pigs make me want to kill myself. Seriously, everything about them pisses me off. They think they're cops or something, with their huge leather belts, like am I supposed to feel intimidated? Armed with fare evasion tickets and nancy little flags, it's no wonder I get so angry at them! So share your shitty rail stories. Hate it when city rail or sydney buses are late? Hate it when the bus seems to 'not see you' and drives right by? Hate it when there is trackwork and buses are replaced? Vent it all here. We all hate shitty rail and sydney buses. But alas, without them we are screwed. As I was saying, I've been around sydney all week. I've been to so many beaches, Manly, Coogee, Thiroull, Austinmer, Bondi, Coal Point, Scarborough..everywhere. I'm really really really dark but due to my falling asleep in the sun yesterday, I have a nice and painful Austinmer burn. All over my shoulders, my chest, my face. I'm also angry because it is 40 zillion degrees but I can't go outside for a swim because we have no more sunscreen. I need my sunscreen, I am in so much pain. Hope the red is all away by the time we're all back to school, which is sooner than I expected. These holidays have seriously flown and theres still so much for me to do before I get into serious-hsc-student-mode. I DID clean my room though. :D I'm getting my uniform on monday and stationary sometime this week. I am not buying green pants and I suggest the rest of you don't either. The school will be in debt if we refuse to purchase, yay debt! I suppose I will go cold in winter, however it's better than lookin like...shrek or something. Dammit, he wore brown pants, there goes my Shrek reference. :( You guys buying green pants? Anyone seen the shirts yet? Talk to me. That's all for now. More later when I'm in a better mood ;) ta for reading. xox  1月8日 FINALLY. A BLOG!
12月13日 The Return Of Chris
Brooding. For no particular reason, simply because there is no more coffee in my house and my last fix was at 7.30 in the morning, so..very dead right now. But it is my duty to blog (which I have been ignoring) so to get me through at least 4 paragraphs I'll need to be listening to some uplifting tunes and go on cyannide and happiness. That always makes me feel better. lol. I like that pic up there ^^ I think it's nice. School has been just a blur, though I can say that the formal was a great night. Everyone looked stunnishing and most people were well behaved and really social, which is good because we won't be seeing some of these people for awhile. It's strange, I will miss all of the people leaving, people I'm not even friends with. What will our school be like without them? Maybe their leaving will strengthen year 10's friendships? Who knows....all I know is that next year we will be faced with the hugest obstacle of all. I keep reminding myself to keep a cool head, to not stress out about it all because that will only result in a breakdown. But I'm not sure.... I know that I'm going to get lazy and screw it all up...it's not me feeling sorry for myself, either. I just have the feeling this is too hard for me to tackle. It's funny when you meet new people who inspire you in the smallest of ways. I did work experience at Currans Hill Public School and the kids in KW were the best I've met. It's kind of embarrassing to admit really, but for that whole week I felt as if I was seeing things in colour for the first time. How corny eh? lol. Kids just kind of have that effect on you, although I hate most kids lol. Their positivity amazes me. Guess it's because they don't know about the "real world" and how bad it can be. Looking at them, I miss seeing the world through the eyes of a child. I miss finding amusement in everything. Now it's all due dates and boyfriends and worry. Just being away from myself for one week was enough to change something. I don't know what. But something has changed. Graduation is on friday and I know that will be the most memorable day. I think I want to open my results when I am at home, I don't want to cry in front of everyone if they are all horrible! And right after the graduation we're free to go. To leave school and return in 2007, as year 11 students. As HSC students. It's scary to say that, but it's all become so real,I suppose I should get used to saying it. The end of 2006...we're all getting a little festive, and my fav time of the year is coming up. No, not christmas. New Years Eve. The best night of the year, but at the moment I have no plans. Hope someone has a party. =D Love parties. Well, there is my blog and it wasn't so bad. I'm getting back into blogging now, I was off it for a long time because I simply had nothing to say. Or maybe just didn't know how to say it? Whatever the reason.. I'm back. Talk to ya's later. Love Chris
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